Friends & Foes

Over the last couple of years I’ve weeded specific types of people out of my life. Not just purposely, but through change. When things started to look up for me, I started noticing I had friends/associates who just didn’t seem happy for me. They’d respond to any joyous thing I brought to them with negativity. I started realizing these people were contributors to the downer moods I was having. Ironically, when I’d cut them off, they would push back with anger. Seems to me that my friends were really foes and enjoyed watching my life spiral out of control over and over again. Why couldn’t I see this before?

I concluded that I hadn’t seen this before because I was really hard on myself. It was hard to see everyone else’s negativity when I was being blinded by a cloud of my own. My “friends” really didn’t encourage me or give me hope. They contributed to keeping me under water. Maybe it made them feel good about their own lives? Truth be told, theirs weren’t perfect either.

I saw a meme one day that said if you want to see who your real friends are, then all you need to do is make progress in your life. There was a time when I would be kind of bothered by the things people closest to me would say. I don’t allow people to steal whatever joy I have now. As soon as someone starts behaving negatively I cut them off. It was something I should have done a long time ago. But you live and you learn.

I wish that I could have kept some of those friends but they just weren’t positive influences in my life. I needed that. I was tired of being everyone’s backbone. Being the one that people can turn to when they need help or someone to talk to when they need advice wasn’t always good because while I was uplifting people they were pushing me down. It wasn’t just being negative… it was the fact that they were always pushing their problems onto me when I was dealing with my own shit. I was being burdened and rarely ever considered when it was time for me to share my problems. When people see that you’re strong, they assume that you always are and therefore don’t always see when you need a shoulder too.


  • Take a moment to be selfish and stay to yourself. Last year I spent most of my year focusing on myself. Some of my closest friends I had to separate from but it was okay for me to do so because I needed to focus on me. I chose to stay to myself because I did not want anyone to have an influence or opinion on anything that was happening. I took the time I needed to separate myself. People won’t cheer you on when they’re a damn mess themselves. Take the time you need, work on you, and if you decide to allow them back into your space, do just that.

  • I can definitely relate to that. I think I’m in more of a funk now because people have been putting their problems onto me. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of people. I walked in the house today asking God for people I can depend on and less people that solely depend on me. If it’s not about them they’re nowhere to be found and I need people to uplift me too. I feel sucked dry but I fear if I keep at it I won’t have anyone left lol

  • I was just having this conversation yesterday! I had to remind myself that relationships can also have their seasons… That everyone isn’t meant to travel with me on every level. When you experience personal growth…elevation…you start to notice the dead weight that’s been holding you do.

    I ended up realizing that those weren’t true friends to begin with, because a true friend would always want to see you doing your best.

    I wish you the best in 2018. Here’s to even more growth!

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